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25 Books I Could Not Write

I like to think I'm a fairly good writer; some have even told me I'm one of the fairly greatest modern writers they've ever read.

But for all of my near-superhuman literary prowess and the bone-jarring range of subjects with which I am familiar, there are still some areas I cannot speak about with any confidence.

Sure, I could probably make up something and blind you to the inconsistencies through the sheer beauty of my language, but I prefer to be truthful. I prefer to take the high road; therefore, below I have listed twenty-five books I could not write.

The only twenty-five.


The History of Jazz

Let's Talk Tariffs

F-16 Repair for the Home Enthusiast

Advanced Knife-Fighting Techniques

Raising Pandas for Profit

North Korea by Night

Tournament Cribbage

So You've Sewn Your Knees Together

The Fast Lane to Speaking Dutch

Explaining Your Genitals to a Train Conductor

I've Got Peas, You've Got Chocolate: Cooking in Pairs

Fourth Declension Latin Nouns Are All About U!

Camel Racing Handicaps

Fugu 2006

What To Look For in a Kevlar Vest

Throw Your Own Benefit Concert

Moscow on Acid: Let's Go!

A Newborn's Guide to Playing Along

The Complete Encyclopedia of English Eccentrics with Full Heads of Hair

Compendium of Somali Wit and Humor

Turning a Profit in Seafood

Breaking Wind at a Funeral

1-2-3 Genocide!

I've Never Seen Eyebrows Like That

Embracing Humidity

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Copyright © 2005-2013 Graham Cranfield