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Happy Fakesgiving!

Everybody knows the best part of Thanksgiving is the sides, but who wants to wait till November to enjoy them? Turns out you can get all the ingredients you need for a carbohydrate fiesta all year round!/

We kept it simple: stuffing, mashed potatoes with gravy, parker house rolls, and corn. You can celebrate Fakesgiving any way you choose, but try to keep it high in carbs for extra napliciousness.

The Gravy
We made the gravy first and then put it in an insulated server afterwards. This is especially good if you only have one large and one small pot for cooking. This is a veggie gravy so it uses a veggie bouillon cube instead of lovely beef stock. It really does taste about the same.

You'll see in the first pic that we're using King Arthur flour (I'm Sir Bakes-a-lot!) and organic milk. I've also fashioned a superhero cape for the butter. And that bouillon cube? I made the wrapper out of platinum which I hammered into sheets with my bare hands.

I don't know how you make your gravy but I can never do it like they show on TV. They're always like, "Melt the butter and then throw on the flour and let that cook; then throw on the stock, dumbass." For me that always turns into lumps, so screw it.

I threw the bouillon cube into 1 1/3 c. boiling water and then dissolved 1/3 c. flour in 2/3 c. water. Once the bouillon is all set, pour in the pasty, flour-y water. It'll thicken super-fast so then you throw in probably a third a cup of milk and however much butter you think won't kill you. Oh and turn it down or you'll end up splattering yourself with molten gravy.

That'll start to thicken up and then you can throw on the spices. I went with salt (goodness me!), pepper (say it ain't so!), and dry mustard (dry mustard!). And then after Rowan reminds you, you can throw in some paprika. I use Hungarian paprika because I support the nation of Hungary in all things culinary. Go Hungary!

Notice my sweet animated .GIF of the buttering/spicing process. I know, it's subtle.

The Rolls
These are Sister Schubert's Yeast Rolls. Not "Sister Schubert's Yeast" Rolls, but rather yeast rolls made by Sister Schubert. I didn't know what to think of these the first time I tried them. But then we cooked them and it all became clear. For frozen biscuits they're quite tasty.

They're the kind of roll where you eat one and you think, "Boy, I could eat this whole pan" and then you do and you're sad.

The Potatoes
If you don't know how to boil some potatoes for mashing then I don't know what to tell you. I guess you should just give up on living a meaningful life. Either that or get together with somebody who knows how.

Rowan makes the best mashed potatoes because she uses the secret ingredient: fear. You can taste it in every bite! And while the taste of fear may be enough for some, she goes the extra step and busts in sour cream along with the standard milk and butter.

In the picture you can make out some black specks on there; that's the fear.

By the way, all this stuff should keep pretty warm till the rolls are ready. We didn't think too much about timing until it was too late, but it all worked out. So if you're the type of person who isn't real on the ball as far as time, don't worry.

The Corn
I gotta tell you, I'm not the biggest fan of corn. It's not distasteful or anything, there's just loads of other things I'd rather eat. Lima beans, perhaps. Or cashews. Rowan, on the other hand, would probably do bodily harm to someone who tried to take her corn away.

It's about the only food I know of where she wants the bigger piece than me. And I gladly give it up.

In the picture you can see Rowan's hand as she tries to determine if she can snatch a piece out of near-boiling water. Don't do it Rowan!

The Result
In case you're having a hard time visualizing what a plate full of tasty side dishes looks like, here you are.

I believe that's my plate since the rolls are covered in gravy. Rowan took the healthier option and simply buttered hers.

I had made iced tea earlier in the day so that was the perfect complement; and it saved me from having a glass of gravy.

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