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Turns out these are 10 plot twists I'm claiming right now

With so many writers out there looking to have the next bestselling novel or blockbuster script, it's hard to think of original plot twists. Well, I'm claiming the items on the list below as my own. If I see some movie or read some book (not likely) in the next few months and I even see something close to what I've said, I will sue the thief so hard their head will spin.

And that idea about someone's head actually spinning after they get sued, perhaps accompanied by some sort of kooky slide whistle effect? That's mine too, keep off it.

Also, when reading the list below out loud to all of your very interested friends, you can heighten the impact by saying something along the lines of "BUMbumbum!" after each item. If you happen to be reading this alone, just say it silently to yourself.

1 The gun is under the butter.

The real Jesus

2 It was all a space!

3 Not only is Charles in charge, he will not suffer your insubordination lightly.

4 There are no poor people in the inner-city. Underneath the ghettos of America are vast catacombs of luxury apartments. The above-ground projects and such are a front, used to keep out the "middle" classes.

5 The pizza guy from the first five minutes was the ghost of a Marine sniper.

6 The dice weren't loaded: he's a wizard.

7 Jesus was the evil twin.

8 Dinosaurs really were skin- and organ-less*. They're very much alive and waiting for the right moment to strike.

9 The woman is a robot, driven internally by a very small woman. Who is also a robot, driven internally by an even smaller woman. Et cetera.**

10 He married his own daughter in order to inherit his clone's fortune.

*I know the skin is an organ, quit yer bitchin'

**This could be a metaphor and, hence, win some awards

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Copyright © 2005-2013 Graham Cranfield