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Seafood Dip: a Study in Creation

Seafood dip can be a cruel mistress, if you get romantically involved. So best not to; you should probably only make it and then eat it. With friends, if you have them.


1 The ingredients list is fairly simple and consists of: cream cheese, cocktail sauce, shrimp, crabmeat (we used fake crab), and Ritz™ crackers.

You should strive to actually use Ritz™ crackers, as their buttery taste and flakey texture really complement the seafood flavor. But if you live in a Ritz™-free zone you'll be fine with any regular cracker. It just won't taste good at all and you may as well set it on fire and chuck it in a pit once you've made it.

2 We bought our shrimp pre-steamed for this occasion, but many times we'll just go up to the seafood counter and have them do it for us. It makes us feel rich.

Peel the shrimp or have your maid do it, if you have one. When she complains that it's the cook's job to peel the shrimp, fire her and just do it yourself.

3 Lay down that whole brick of cream cheese on the plate and spread it out to the edges.

This is also a good time to mention that you should cut up the shrimp into pieces, along with the fake crab. There aren't any pictures of that.

4 On top of the cream cheese, pour oh about a third of the bottle of cocktail sauce on there. If you like cocktail sauce, use more. If you don't, enjoy your boring-ass sauce-less spread!

We used Texas Pete™ cocktail sauce. I heartily endorse Texas Pete™ products and will do anything to see him triumph over that slop that is Tabasco. I'm not even going to put a ™ by Tabasco because I don't recognize its status as a company. I don't even know if I'm spelling Tabasco correctly. I don't think I am, but I'm not checking. That's how much I don't like Tabasco.

5 Success! Throw all the seafood on top, sorta space it out nicely and there you are. You might think you could take this thing down by yourself in no time flat. But it's crafty, that dip. When combined with Ritz™ the cream cheese, shrimp, crab and cocktail sauce all conspire to hit you; hit you deep and hit you hard if you take it for granted.

Oh it's a tasty treat, but beware its hidden agenda.

6 Serving suggestion.

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Copyright © 2005-2013 Graham Cranfield